A Jam To Spoon To

Last track of this. *Continue*

Sometimes, I Impress Myself

..when I pop something profound out of my mouth in a blink.

A friend of mine texted me that s/he was being wary of his/her relationship with a person because his/her aim was to "not get hurt". Understandably the perspective of one who has experienced hurt, possibly, one too many times for him/her to bear to experience again. Of course, who enjoys that suffering? That sinking feeling that seems to turn your rib cage into some dark, molten lava that tears slowly, and heavily at the heart of your soul which one might swear existed somewhere between your lungs, heart and diaphragm. While not everybody may be able to say they recognize the feeling of pure love, I am saddened to think that most people can say they recognize the feeling of genuine heartbreak, or despair.

I wonder. If you were to ask people throughout the week, which group would win? Those who could say they recognize the feeling of love? Or, those who recognize the pain of a broken heart?

Anyhow...immediately, I was inspired to respond:

You don't have a relationship to avoid hurt. You're in it to love irregardless of what's returned. You deal with the hurt when/if it comes. You're a loving person, [Generic Name]. Just remember to love the space that makes the closeness more valuable.

I think it was fair advice. I hope it was appropriate. My friend responded that it was profound, and that s/he would take it. I'd definitely drink to that.

Oh, and hide your kids, your wife, and your husband....



I know. Hella had to kill the tender vibe. It's just so ridiculous that this guy is probably going to become a millionaire off of his interview with the news reporter. Like Chocolate Rain, or something. Original interview here.

Don't Just Be Here. Be here.

So, I started reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged and have found myself engaged, so far. I've definitely got quite a bit to go as there are 1168 pages of literary goodness, and I've yet to reach 50 pages. But, already I found a thing of beauty:

"He felt that he could forgive anything to anyone, because happiness was the greatest agent of purification. He felt certain that every living being wished him well tonight. He wanted to meet someone, to face the first stranger, to stand disarmed and open, and to say, "Look at me." People, he thought, were as hungry for a sight of joy as he had always been--for a moment's relief from that gray load of suffering which seemed so inexplicable and unnecessary. He had never been able to understand why men should be unhappy." - Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

I like this passage for a couple reasons. For one, Rand got a little crazy (in a great way) in capturing some subtle emotions that a person may feel when they have achieved that moment of happiness after a great deal of endeavoring to get it. I think of the day I decided to take the jump, and decided that I'd pursue passion over pure practicality. It was as if everything that had life had a pouch pocket filled with "Good-Goodness", and they all sprinkled a little bit on me that day, and I felt the good vibes. I wanted to jump in front of someone ... anyone ... and, let out an "Ayyyy!!" while smiling, and dougie-ing, simultaneously. I could relate to that feeling of genuine release.

But, I also like this passage because Rand goes beyond that capture of the happy person. Rand points out a simple, but magnificent truth: that, generally, people are hungry for the sight of joy, and defined joy as: "a moment's relief from that gray load of suffering which seemed so inexplicable and unnecessary." Think about it. Everybody's prone to getting all caught up in that "zone" throughout their day. Walking around on some lesser autopilot in between points A and B. Genuinely interacting at the points, but then returning to that quasi-social autopilot when going from point B to C. Etc, etc. I think everybody finds it truly refreshing when people are able to be fluidly "present" even when they're in the process of traveling in between the points they need to get to. How great of a gift is that moment when somebody is genuinely happy ... and, you notice it.

That's that shit, man. That's some good shit.

On that note. A bit of a throwback:

16 Days Ago. Tired. 3 in the AM.

I'm hungry, man. Got an appetite. Nigeria.
Haiti, Santiago, grumbling post-disaster areas.
Fatal furious.
Cable curious.
Google education gets me straight-stare serious.
Wide awake. I'm delirious.
Been out for hours. I'm livin' life--it ain't vicarious.
It's the shit that keeps me going: these experiences..various.
You just might try to shoot us, dig some holes out. Bury us.
But, trust. We'll find a way to spread about--become indigenous.

Tightrope (Wondamix) - Lyrics and Interpretation of Lupe's Verse

First of all, this song is the dopest I've heard (pretty cool visual, too) in quite a bit. I have an appetite for lyrics that are intellectually stimulating, and I think that the trio's words are laying on the perfect beat--especially Lupe's verse which could be heavier over anything less energetic, and punchy. As Lupe's intellect has been expanding, I've been noticing his word selection becoming more particular, and I think his latest verse is quite the piece. I mean, you gotta think about what he's saying. It's of long-term value, to be sure.

Verse as a whole first:

"Greetings. Welcome to the meeting of the minds that be thinking all the time 'bout defeating all the blind following, swallowing, drinking of the thyme, honor traditions of keeping in a line. I prefer to figure 8 in Mandelbrot. Rock all night 'til the candles on my mantle stop, and it's paid programming on every single channel. Watch televised revolutionaries on the chapel tops shouting down at Babylonian accounting. Medieval mathematics keep us average in amounting. But, I surpass that. I dropped out of they math class. I am 'cause I thought. Now, my tightrope's like a sidewalk. Blaow!"

Lyrics bolded. Interpretations italicized.

"Greetings. Welcome to the meeting of the minds that be thinking all the time 'bout defeating all the blind following, swallowing, drinking of the thyme, honor traditions of keeping in a line."

Interpretation: For simplicity's sake, Lupe establishes the existence of two groups of people: One group, who he implicitly identifies with, is meeting (which he welcomes you to) as they obsess over how they could give vision (or, light, which can translate to knowledge) to the those who are blind (or, in the dark, or unenlightened) to paths that are not already well-established, hence honoring the traditions of keeping in a line. In addition, these blind followers drink on thyme, an herb which has received a lot of attention for its healing effects for numerous ailments--implying that these blind followers who honor established traditions are attempting to heal themselves of something.

"I prefer to figure 8 in Mandelbrot. Rock all night 'til the candles on my mantle stop, and it's paid programming on every single channel.

Interpretation: As opposed to following the established linear paths that keep people from stepping beyond the single-file boundaries, Lupe prefers to "figure 8 in Mandelbrot". Mandelbrot is a mathematical program which I don't understand all the details about. However, the important point of the Mandelbrot reference, I think, is this: "When computed and graphed on the complex plane the Mandelbrot set is seen to have an elaborate boundary which does not simplify at any given magnification" (Wiki). So, no matter how much you magnify, there is no distinct boundary. Ultimately, Lupe contrasts the traditions of keeping in a line with his preference of thinking of ways to, not only do away with lines altogether doing figure-8s, but blur the lines as well. For added effect of his obsession, Lupe communicates that his philosophical endeavors go late into the early morning: this is typically when nothing is on TV but paid infomercials.

"Watch televised revolutionaries on the chapel tops shouting down at Babylonian accounting. Medieval mathematics keep us average in amounting. But, I surpass that. I dropped out of they math class. I am 'cause I thought. Now, my tightrope's like a sidewalk."

Interpretation: Now, I just don't know if this part is filled with specific references, or generalized references. I've tried to do some research on the Babylonians and their dealings of their finances, and I've become sort of reacquainted with some really, really old history classes (Code of Hammurabi - eye for an eye, establishment of written records, such as contracts, certifications, and other legal documents), but I really couldn't narrow down what Lupe was really referencing. I mean, televised revolutionaries on a chapel could be taken as some specific religious, or spiritual personalities who are in a position above those who do the accounting (or, financial record keeping). Or, maybe he's generally saying that those at the top of the church are commanding accounting from above--I just don't know. As for the "Babylonian accounting", Lupe could just be referencing the fact that record keeping in the form of legal documents became a part of societies during the period that Babylon was one of the cities of significance. As for medieval mathematics, I think Lupe references the relationship between peasants (common people who were free to leave the land their manor) and serfs (common people who were bound to the manor they lived on), and their responsibility to the manor (property owned by the local lord). During medieval times, the commoners had basically two options:

Option 1: Do the work that they were assigned to do on the manor whether they liked it or not, and receive the local lord's word that he would protect him from the dangers that lurked beyond his land.

Option 2: Risk his life and livelihood to try and find another life beyond the boundaries of the manor which could result in a better life, death, or a life identical to the one he just tried to flee.

This medieval predicament parallels the predicament that many of us still face today, which translates simply to: Either stick to the pursuit that's tried and true, or take the risk to pursue your passion. These "medieval mathematics" create a divide of values that keep the masses from amounting. Many find themselves falling in line for what's tried and true. Some take the risk and pursue their passions despite the thin probability of success. Either way, you're on some "tightrope" to success.

Lupe ends his verse announcing that he is beyond that predicament, and that he decided not to be educated in such mathematics: He is because he thought. And, because he thought, his tightrope is a more walkable, like a sidewalk.

"Blaow!"

Interpretation: Onomatopoeia for the explosion of your mind.

Yeah, I'm going to go pick up pieces of my brain now.

Don't Even Try It

Sculpture by BJ Lasponas

Why does dream chasing incite some of the strongest feelings of fear you've ever felt? Maybe it has something to do with chasing the unreasonable. Pursuing a reality that the present has very little, if any, evidence that others would connect the points together to imply the dream of which you speak about ... or, don't speak about enough. Open your mouth about you being honest with yourself about yourself, and I swear that everybody in the world knows more than you do about what's possible, and what isn't. I suppose it's why many successful people necessarily had to be perceived as some mess of crazy if their paths weren't from some position of exceptional opportunity. But, when a crazy person succeeds, the pieces come together and people might swear that they understood the inevitability.

Hindsight is 20/20.

There must be some self-deception about the odds of the future--the persistence of the irrational idea that despite all that you have not accomplished, you will become great. In fact, a podcast on Radiolab WNYC touched upon a study on winning swimmers and found that winning swimmers were most likely to deceive themselves in their preparation phase before the race as compared to those swimmers whom were honest with themselves. But, is it really lying to yourself when the future has not elapsed yet? I get the sense that the future is something like Schrödinger's cat except with many more possibilities than just two. Though, all the possibilities can be summed up under two major systems: Either I will succeed, or I will fail--and, until I explore that future I am simultaneously a success and a failure.

At this moment, I'm basically starving for any sense of fearlessness from anywhere. So, this song by Colbie, though not about pursuing your life's passions in the same sense I am currently obsessed with, hits a nerve as the energy of the song captures that moment of strength and vulnerability: to be brave enough to believe in what reasonable people would never allow enough risk to believe. (Not too mention she can take some stress off of the eyes.) I am still a step behind her process. I am still wanting to jump, and her work is a capture of the moment where she's already suspended in the air. My toes are off the cliff..

"Don't Get Impatient When It Takes Too Long...

Drink it all even when it tastes too strong. I gotta feel alive even if it kills me ... promise to always give you me ... the real me."

- Drizzy - Light Up (Ft. Jay-Z) CDQ/No Tags

Because not everybody gets it right the first time. Because I learned from my friends' experiences that dissing my parents to chase your passions may not be well worth it when the time you have with your parents may be a lot shorter than you'd care to imagine. Because whenever I've let truth and honesty guide my decisions, and exercised a little bit of steadfastness, life has lead me to a place where the direction of where I must go is apparent. Because becoming the values that I wish to see permeate throughout the world through living, and potentially through my offspring is where my idea of success lies. Because truth pays off in the audits...

My soul vibrates in a jazz progression. I continue. Head up. Ready for life's lessons. Not to mention, I'm tired of not doing exactly what I feel it is I should be doing anyway.